‘Annabelle Comes Home’: Review

The Conjuring universe continues to be cinema’s most unpredictable franchise. In that, whenever a new chapter is released, no one has any idea if the movie is gonna be any good or not. I’m not sure I can speak for all horror fans when I say that I still walk into every single one expecting something genuine, with creepy visuals and innovative scares. 

Today I decided to watch Child’s Play, and after leaving the theater with a bitter taste in my mouth, I was pleasantly surprised to see that tonight was the opening night for the next chapter in The Conjuring universe, a movie I was really excited to see. I immediately got a ticket and was ready for a horror double-feature. The Curse of La Llorona was the bandage over the wound that The Nun left behind, so surely Annabelle Comes Home was the next step towards healing. NOPE! We’ve ripped off the bandage and poured salt on it. For good measure, someone insulted my outfit (I say this only because when someone insults my outfit, I have a tendency to rethink my decisions).

 

Annabelle-tear

Annabelle (2014) was a really cool love letter to Rosemary’s Baby with one of my favorite horror visuals (demon on the stairs) and of course, that fantastic elevator scene. Annabelle: Creation (2017) built on that idea and delivered some real scares and fun world-building.

What I’m saying is that Annabelle was at least for a while, respectable, adult, and not the teen-scream frenzy that you can find (done well) in several other horror franchises. It was supposed to stand out in its own unique way, and while we’ll always have the first two, this bookend of the Annabelle series just feels out of place.

Every actor in this movie (aside from McKenna “Saving” Grace) has this glazed look in their eyes as they just sort of bounce around the screen like the “DVD Video” logo, except not nearly as riveting. As a matter of fact, one character actually manages to make point blank eye contact with the camera, as if to look at the audience and say “Yeah, I dunno either.”

This movie has no idea what it wants to be, and it’s so disappointing. This is a demon story, and there’s a werewolf in it, that is also made out of fog, and is also vulnerable to guitars. No, you didn’t just read a MadLibs I made in the 4th grade, that’s a real sentence that I just wrote.

My verdict? You can read the plot on its Wikipedia page.

Can we please just have The Conjuring 3? I just, I really need The Conjuring 3.

  • Andy Valencia

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